What's in a Title

The other day my mother, who is 82, received a letter in the mail address with Ms., instead of Mrs. She is a widow but still likes being called Mrs. and from what I understand that is what she should be called because once a Mrs. always a Mrs. whether they are widowed or divorced.

I had always been taught to say Mrs. or Mr. and then the last name. As a child, I would never call an adult by their first name. If that adult woman was not married, such as maybe one of my teachers, she would be a Miss.

I, also remember my mother signing checks, papers and cards Mrs., my dad's first name and then their last name, such as Mrs. Joe Smith, never Mrs. Sue Smith.

Today, many times we hear Ms. Jones or Ms. Smith. Rarely do we hear Mrs. Jones or Mrs. Smith. As a matter of fact, today we also hear Miss used in addressing married women and then adding their first name, such as Miss Diana. I think that is because it might be easier to teach little children in that way rather than teach them to say Mrs. Smithenshire.  Or is it because marital status, due to the state of our times, doesn't matter much to people anymore. We have forgotten that is a covenant, a union and a sacrament.

Well, after my discussion with my mother and seeing her upset over the Ms. envelope it caused me to research how we ended up with Ms. anyhow in our culture.

Having grown up in the 60's and 70's it seemed that I remembered hearing a lot of women's rights talks and songs and in the back of my head I remembered people during that time asking to be called Ms., but why I wondered.

According to dictionary.com: Ms. is a title of respect prefixed to a woman's name or position: unlike Miss  or Mrs.,  it does not depend upon or indicate her marital status.

Okay, so I guess I can understand this idea. If you were just meeting someone and didn't know if they were married or not it could be embarrassing to make assumptions and call someone Mrs. if they were a Miss and visa versa. 

Much of today there are no titles. We have become such a casual society that many people just say someone's first name and leave it at that. If you are lucky you might catch the last name. Then you are left wondering if they are married or not.  Marital status and of course we all see the meaning of marriage is being challenged.  It is at stake today.

So, whether or not we use Ms., Mrs. or Miss could be due to etiquette, society, grammar or relationships or could there be more to it in our society today because of what is going on with the culture.

Before the 17th century, Ms. was the abbreviated form of "Mistress," which indicated that the lady was married, or in charge of a household. "Miss" and "Mrs." began to be used in the 17th century to show the difference between a married woman under her husband's headship, and an unmarried woman under her father's headship. "Mrs." was used with a lady's husband's first and last name (eg. "Mrs. John Smith") and never with her own first name (eg., never "Mrs. Julie Smith"). "Miss" was used for any woman who was not married, with "Miss" and the last name alone used for the eldest daughter in the household, and "Miss" with both the first and last name used for all other daughters in the household.
When a girl or woman was introduced, spoken of, or had her name appear in print, her title of Mrs. or Miss always accompanied her name. This was an honor. It showed belonging. No one could be in doubt of her position in a family. The use of Mrs. or Miss provided the benefits of masculine headship—no one could assume that this lady was without a man's guidance and protection in the world. She was not independent, or acting on her own. Rather, she identified herself as the daughter of her father, or the wife of her husband. If anyone wanted to contact her or address her, they had to be aware that she was a one-man woman, protected physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually, by her lawful head. When she interacted with the world, she acted as a representative of her head: carrying out activities, purchases, deeds of charity, hospitality, etc., in his name. Again, it was an honor to carry a man's name, to represent him, and to live with a status symbol that connected herself to him.
It was an honor to be under authority. 

 http://janegrey.hubpages.com/hub/Mrs-Miss-or-Ms

So, what happened. How did we get Ms. back and the meaning it has today. Well, apparently in 1961 a woman named Sheila Michaels tried to use the word Ms. when she saw what she thought was a typographical error on the address label of a piece of mail sent to her roommate. She had already been looking for a title for a woman who did not 'belong' to a man." The feminist movement was strong and feminists did not want to be known as belonging to a man any longer. She was not happy with the terms Mrs. or Miss as now the feminist movement was giving those terms a bad name but most people were still using Mrs. and Miss and so her efforts went ignored. Then, around 1971, during a quiet moment on a  WBAI-radio interview with The Feminists group, Michaels suggested the use of Ms. A friend of  (who else) Gloria Stienem heard the interview and suggested it as a title for her new magazine. Ms. Magazine brought great popularity to the term and in 1972 the US Government printing office approved the term for official documents.



So, we have gone from two titles showing headship and honor to a title showing independence. This is surely because women have thrown off headship and honor. I myself in my teens and twenties did not like the idea of someone being head over me. I didn't like the idea of headship. That was a time when the feminist movement was very loud and desiring independence. Women no longer wanted to be under the head of their father or husband. I was a cradle Catholic but had not been taught scripture or the teachings of the Church in this area, so what else but go along with society. Later as grew to know the Lord and his teachings, I threw off these feminist ideas and embraced God's ways and His ways always bring peace.

So, what does scripture say to this:

But I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of a woman, and God is the head of Christ. ...the woman is the glory of man. For man does not originate from woman, but woman from man; for indeed man was not created for the woman’s sake, but woman for the man’s sake. Therefore the woman ought to have a symbol of authority on her head, because of the angels. However, in the Lord, neither is woman independent of man, nor is man independent of woman. For as the woman originates from the man, so also the man has his birth through the woman; and all things originate from God. -1 Cor. 11


What about the Popes:

Pope Leo XIII:  "The husband is chief of the family and the head of the wife. The woman because she is flesh of his flesh and bone of his bone, must be subject to her husband and obey him."

After WWII Pope Pius XI speaking to a group of newlywed wives stated:  Every family is a society, every well ordered society needs a head: every power of headship comes from God. And so too, the family you have founded has a head, invested with authority by God, authority over her who has been given him as a companion to constitute the nucleus of this family and over those who with the Lord's blessing will come to swell it, and make it happy, like young shoots from the bole of the olive.

The Three Marks of  Manhood: Dr. Gregory Dilsaver

So, what do these quotes have to do with Ms. Mrs. or Miss. Maybe our titles are saying something more than just whether or not we are married or know if someone is married or not. Maybe our titles tell us where we belong and who we love and that we are loved and when we say Mrs. we are saying we belong to someone. We are joined in a wonderful state of life, marriage. And when we say Miss, we are saying, I am young and unmarried but (hopefully, if we are Christian) I am waiting and serving the Lord in my family until God brings me my lifelong mate or calls me to a vocation of singleness for the Lord. Both of these titles are of great value and speak of our love for others, those who are close to us and are selfless titles.

Then I guess, if you are using the title Ms., maybe, just maybe you are saying, I am independent. I go my way and either I don't want you to know who I belong to or I don't want to accept that I belong to anyone because this is my own life and is this a title that says "me".  It is about me. It is about the name I want to make for myself in this world and "no" I am not serving.

Maybe  I am making more out of this than what it is today. We get desensitized to words and actions after seeing them and hearing them for so long but I do suggest show your husband you are his partner, his helpmate just by the title you use.